The Joyous Expansion Key #2 of living a joyful life is “be positively selfish.”
Being selfish is generally frowned upon in our society. I have had many conversations with people who tell me, “I can’t do that. It is selfish.” Feeling selfish makes people feel bad about themselves, when they should feel good. Being selfish is taking care of you first.
You have to take care of yourself first because you will be able to give more to others. If you are sick, sad, or generally feeling bad, you cannot serve others in the best way possible. Sacrificing your own joy for someone else will not help anyone. This is how you live exactly opposite of the martyr mentality.
Won’t people be mad at me?
If you teach people that you are willing to sacrifice your well being for them, there is a good chance that people will be upset at you for being positively selfish. As long as you are being positively selfish for the greater good, they will eventually understand. If they do not, there is a chance that they are self-centered and nothing you can do will make them happy. Even when you are sacrificing yourself for them, you can never do enough. No matter what you do, these people will not be happy with you. You might as well be happy with yourself.
Taking care of yourself first is for the greater good
Airplane air mask instructions always mention to first put the mask on yourself and then on your child. If you do not do this it will cause both you and your child problems as you might pass out while you are trying to save your child. Thus dooming you both! These instructions make sense in everyday life as much as they do on a plane. A lot of people tend to sacrifice their own needs and slowly kill themselves for other people.
I like modify the definition of selfish to “taking care of myself so I can be there fully to serve others with all of the joy in my heart” so it is more accurate. I use the term self-centered to mean, “taking care of myself and only myself for just myself.” As long as you are living a life full of service and love, being selfish is an amazingly positive action. As you recharge your batteries you can go full out in your service. If you stretch yourself thin, you will not be there for the people you care about.
A positively selfish boss is a boss who has time to listen to their employees and be fair and just. A positively selfish parent will set a good example as they will teach their children that their needs are important. The positively selfish parent will also be more patient with their children and an overall better parent. A positively selfish friend can be there for their friends. A positively selfish lover can truly satisfy their partner.
Being positively selfish will allow you to do the actions that bring you more joy. It gives you time to find your own placebo. From there you can be an amazing example of how to live and change the world. Mahatma Ghandi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Real change comes from the inside and that means taking care of you. The more you become a happy and whole person the better you will be at bringing your gifts into the world The better example you will be for the world’s children. The better leader you will be for those that follow you. You will affect change one person at a time in an amazing and positive way. It all starts with you taking care of you.
This also means to love yourself. Be positively selfish when it comes to self love. The more you love yourself the more you are able to love other people and love them unconditionally. That literally means to love them with no conditions.
No better way to love yourself than to take care of yourself.
Hiring a life coach is an example of being positively selfish. When we speak together, we will be talking about you and how you can become more successful and full of joy.. That time will be all about you. All the words that come out of my mouth will be ones that I believe will help you in a positive way. It will be like a spa for your successful muscles. Together we will find ways for you to be positively selfish, while balancing all of your other needs. We will get you to a point where you are happy and can serve the people in your life more fully.
Homework of the week
This week, do something only for you. I suggest getting a massage.
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- Love is an expression and assertion of self-esteem, a response to one’s own values in the person of another. One gains a profoundly personal, selfish joy from the mere existence of the person one loves. It is one’s own personal, selfish happiness that one (quotationsbook.com)