Last week I wrote part one of the illusion of being done based off of the quote, “Always Being and Always Becoming.”
The second quote is one of my favorite quotes of all time. I am constantly using at this point when I talk to myself.
“It is not that you must be free from fear. The moment you try to free yourself from fear, you create a resistance against fear. Resistance in any form doesn’t end fear. What is needed rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance is understanding fear; that means watch it; learn about it; come directly into contact with it.”
Every time I think about areas where I am afraid I think the first line of that quote, “It is not that I must be free from fear.” Soon after, I look at what I can learn from this situation and what I can do right at that moment to feel the fear and do it anyway.
When listening to the enlightened teacher Adyashati‘s CD “Life without Center,” I was able to expand on this idea. One of the audience members on “Life without Center” asked Adya the question, “When will the resistance end?” The answer Adyashanti gave the man expanded my thoughts on the idea of the quote. He said, “Never.”
By allowing this thought in, I realized I was waiting for resistance to be done in my life, before I choose positive actions. I was waiting until I was enlightened, had a certain skill, was a certain way, had the correct thinking or the right level of joy, lived in the perfect situation before I would feel, do, or have, something. An example of what I was waiting for was for things in my life to be easy. I have read so many books about how when I am in the flow then life is just simple and things just click. From this one passage I realized that I was waiting for the resistance of surrendering to who I really am and giving my gifts full out. Waiting for something to happen before I was living the way I wanted to live will just create a situation where I am waiting for something instead of living.. It is not that I must be free from fear, resistance, pain, sadness, resentment, anger, revenge, worry, or any other negative emotion. When I try to free myself, I create a resistance. When I created resistance, I moved my focus to the negative feeling that I resisted. When I focus on this negative feeling, I notice more areas of my life where the negative feeling exists. As I notice more areas of my life where these negative feelings exist, I gravitate towards them because they are my focuses. When I gravitating towards my focus , I am then experiencing more and more situations where I want to free myself from this fear. Thus, I am creating an endless cycle of noticing fears, trying to free myself from them, and then creating them for the rest of my life. All I did was waiting. I was living in the illusion that there will be a finish to the negative feelings in my life.
In many conversations I have had about negative emotions those I am talking with have a desire to be free from them. They never want to feel fear again. This is very popular in the spiritual and motivational circles that I attend. When people live to remove the negative emotions from their lives, they set themselves up for disappointment and create a fake Pollyanna attitude of positivity.
When a person has the illusion that they are done with their negative feelings, they have an excuse to punish themselves when those feelings return, . They can now think the thought, “I thought I was over this, what is wrong with me?” They do this as they have a fake smile on their face telling the world that nothing is wrong. The truth is there is nothing wrong with them. Thoughts are kept in the brain and emotions are remembered. Triggers will happen in the future. Not being free from the triggers in the brain is not important, it is having the tools and the knowledge of what to do when these life occurrences happen that will lead to a wonderful life. What is important is having the ability to notice them, learn about them, come into direct contact with them and then turn them into art. In his book, Living Ecstasy, Satyan Raja writes about the negative happenings in your life and calls them your kinks. When you have these kinks, using them is your biggest gift. Take what you desire or feel is missing from your life from these kinks and give them away to other people.
For example, due to choices of people and myself in my life, one of my kinks is a fear of abandonment. I have spent many years trying to eliminate my fear and escape from its prison . Knowing that I’ll never be done doing this is a sense of relief because now I don’t have to beat myself up over it. . I would think, “I should be done with this fear.”, “When will I be done with this fear?”, or “how much work do I have to do to finally be done with this fear?”
Giving up the illusion of being done with my fear of abandonment allows me to learn from it. I take the desires from that fear and give the desires that are created out of those fears to others, making it my art. The desire I have that no one feel that they need something outside of themselves to be happy and learning more ways to deepen the love I feel are ways that I have taken this fear and turned it into my art. This blog you are reading and my entire coaching practice is an example of me taking my fear of abandonment and turning them into something wonderful that helps many people.
Giving up the illusion of being done also means it is time to stop waiting. Stop waiting for something to happen to give your gift to the world. Stop waiting for something to happen for you to be happy. Stop waiting for something to happen for you to live your dream. It is time to stop. The resistance will not be over, the fear will not go away, other people will not change, the government won’t change, and the economy will never be good enough for you to do what you want to do. There is always a good excuse for mediocrity.
Stop waiting and do what you want to do right now. For the sake of the people around you and for the sake of the world, stop.
Now is the time to stop waiting. Working together, we will find the areas in your life where you are waiting for something and get you to stop. You will reach your goals faster and live a much better life. We will also find the gifts that you have hiding from your kinks and find new ways to look at this wonderful world where we live.
Homework of the Week.
1. Find something in your life where you are waiting for something to happen before you begin. Find what you can do this week to begin and do it.
2. Think of something that happened in your life that you believe still bothers you and keeps you from where you want to go. Notice what you need to happen for you to be over this or what feeling you need to be over it. Think of someone who needs the same and give it to them.