As I said in my previous blog, I was not the happiest child. To be completely honest, I still have some abandonment issues. In the last five years, I have done a lot of work to come to terms with my fear of abandonment. My abandonment issues have been the area of my life where I have done the most work. At times, working on my abandonment issues has been very frustrating. It is especially hard when I worked on an issue over and over again only to have it triggered again. In these cases, I created a contract of disappointment.
A contract of disappointment is when I plan to become disappointed. There are times when I created rules and if those rules were violated then I would become upset. It was a written contract that obligated me to become upset when something of my choosing happens.
I did a lot of work to actually believe that people are capable of liking me, that I am a lovable person and to trust people to not abandon me and that they are not out to hurt me. I worked especially at deserving love and finding deserving people that enjoy my company. Everything I have mentioned in my blog has been used on this issue. Look at my top 15 placebos of the decade to get a good idea of what I have used to tear up my contract of disappointment.
My abandonment issues became a lot less frustrating when I stopped beating myself up for taking so long to correct them. I realized that I am going as fast I should be. I tore up that contract of disappointment and I am seeing a lot of improvements. The contract I created stipulated that I would be an ideal version of myself by an ideal time and if I miss that time then I would be upset. I made a plan to feel bad. Tearing up this contract, relaxing and allowing myself to go as fast as I am actually allows me to go faster. Every time I would get upset I would take a step back. Reducing the amounts of steps back increases the amount of steps forward I can go. I noticed a huge change in myself when I realized this.
Another contract of disappointment is when something that I “worked on” comes up again. This contract was when I decided that I was “done” with a trigger and if that trigger came up again, I would be upset. Sometimes it has taken me hours or even days to figure out what is going on. When I had a girlfriend two years ago, I didn’t notice how I was triggered until a week after I broke up with her. There is nothing better for bringing up abandonment issues than getting into a serious relationship. It is almost a constant wave of old insecurities that come up for me that I have the opportunity to work with. Yes; the opportunity to work with. Looking at these relapses as opportunity to work with allows me forgive myself when they happen again. Like I said in my blog, give up the illusion of being done, I will never be completely over my abandonment issues. However, I can use them as opportunities to deepen my practice and clean out some past hurts. Using the work, NLP, EFT, Sedona Method, and meditations, I can make the use of the material real time events where the trigger would happen and then I would do something. Even if the current relationship ends up being ended due to the triggers, it does not mean I have to carry them over to the next relationship.
Break the contract of disappointment! There is no reason to not tear up the contract. Relax and realize that things happen. You have many choices when things happen. Choosing to be upset about them for a long period of time will not help you become a happy person. Choosing to work with them and become a better person from them is the way to go.
Homework of the Week
Examine your life and notice where you have created contracts of disappointment. Write them down on a piece of paper and tear it up.
I have not been blogging lately because I have been writing a book. Look for 7 Steps to Writing Joyous Intentions in June. It will be a perfect tool for you to practice being happy.