May 07

Expand your boundaries! Expand your ability to be you!

Expanding my boundaries was one of the main concepts that I worked on when I started my improvement journey. When boundaries are small there are feelings of tightness. Having small boundaries is being stuck in prison of fear. When stuck in the prison of fear, the actions that I take come from an unconscious reaction to the feelings. It is like having a computer program that launches when , fear strikes.

Port-42
Image via Wikipedia

For example when was in a situation where a woman that I found very attractive was talking to me, my internal computer would run BeautifulGirlTalkingToYou.bat.

BeautifulGirlTalkingToYou.bat runs the executables, Freeze.exe, Lookaway.exe, SaySomethingStupidBecauseSheMightLikeYou.exe, and would leave the coup de grâce YouShouldofSaidSomethingDifferentYouDummy.exe. After this program would run, you can imagine how bad I felt.

Boundary expansion is a practice of increasing the size of the prison. By increasing the size of the prison, I get to be at choice in areas where I would have been in automatic fear response. Being “at choice” means that instead of reacting automatically, I am able to be in a mode of being able to make choices.

Also, when the prison of fear gets so big that it is no longer viable, it is much easier to discard. I want to drop the prison, so I can be a person who bases his choices on logic, love, desires, and peace. When a choice is made out of fear that choice will lead to regret. Even if the choice is the best choice possible choice, fear based choices lead to second guessing and living in the past. When choices are made out of logic, love, desire or peace, I am able to live a life of action and no regret. This is because I know that I made the best possible choice and if that choice turns out to be unfavorable, then I am able to move on and make new choices.

Expanding my boundaries is not about getting rid of fear. Removing all fear is something that is very improbable and discounts the emotion of fear. The two main types of fear that I work with are survival fear (“oh my god, that bear is going to kill me”) and learned fear (“I remembered that from my past, I did not like it.”) These types of fear have positive aspects. Survival fear keeps you alive and away from pointless fights with bears. Learned fear reminds you of past actions that you do not like.

Our fear-based actions are paramount.. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is feeling the fear and acting based on logic, desires, peace or love. There is a saying, “Feel the fear and do it anyways.” Sometimes it is perfectly fine to “feel the fear and not do it anyways.” My motto is “Feel the fear, learn from the fear and then make choices based on what I actually want.” I go back and see where I gained that fear and work with to expand that boundary. Making decisions based on logic and love allows you to make all of your choices based on your best intentions.

The beauty of boundary expansion is that doing just one action that expands your boundary allows you to be at choice in other areas of your life. One of the wonderful things about being human isimproving one aspect of your being normally improves other areas.

Look at figure 1 below.
Old Boundary
Figure 1

Each X represents an action in your life that causes fear. The circle is your boundary. The actions outside the circle are ones that cause you to have an automatic unconscious reaction based on fear. Actions such as as skydiving, job interviews, talking to attractive people, talking to strangers at a party, driving on a freeway, being around spiders, public speaking, or any other action that causes an automatic fear response. The actions inside of the circle are ones that you are able to make conscious choices on what you want to do. Figure 2 shows what happens when you expand your boundary to where the selected action is now one where you are in choice.

New Boundary
Figure 2

The new boundary encompasses some actions that were once outside your boundary. For example, joining a group to practice public speaking may allow you to be able to ask your boss for a raise. Sometimes actions that do not seem to have a direct link are actually related. . Working on expanding your boundary and doing those things that scare you will make you be at choice in all areas of your life.

Adding Joy

Adding joy to boundary expansion is having the knowledge that all of the scary actions you are taking are ones that will improve your ability to share your gifts with the world. Having joy with boundary expansion will help you take the sting out of the fearful actions because you are doing it for a purpose. Joyful boundary expansion allows you to celebrate the action no matter its outcome Get shot down by a member of the opposite sex? Who cares? You just made the world a better place by expanding your boundary. Celebrate! You are making strides to increase your boundary and improve your life.

Homework

The homework this week is to find an action in your life that you do not do because you fear it. Practice the action a few times and notice how each time it is less and less scary. Notice other areas in your life that have been improved by this change.

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Apr 30

Putting the Expansion in Joyous Expansion

Last week, I wrote why the word joy fits my business plan. Striving for joy is wonderful. There needs to be more than just joy in my life. With just joy how will I live a purpose-filled life? Striving only for joy would leave me living on a warm beach, and only having enough to just survive. Lying on the beach sipping Bahama Mamas for the rest of my life might sound like a good idea in my imagination. In reality, I have a need for a sense of fulfillment. A desire for expansion keeps living a life of joy grounded, realistic and purposeful.

Happy kid

Happy kid (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The desire for expansion keeps my life moving forward ensuring that my life never stagnates into mediocrity. In my research, I have come to the conclusion that I am in one of two states. I am in either a state of contraction or a state of expansion. I am in a state of dying or a state of growth.

When I talk about my desire to live a life full of joy, people have said, “If I am happy all of the time, I will not get anything accomplished.” My desire to live a life of expansion and to constantly grow will insure that I will not become stagnate. It is possible to make great accomplishments in this world while living a life of joy.

There are five types of expansion that are very important in my life.

  1. Boundary Expansion

  2. Expansion of the mind

  3. Expansion of life

  4. Spiritual Expansion

  5. Feeling Expanded

Over the next few weeks, I will explain each type of expansion in detail and show ways that you can use each type to bring more joy into your life.

It is my vision to facilitate a co-creating environment where we will add more expansion to your life. With more expansion in your life, you will constantly be in a state of growth. With joy, you will be proud of your accomplishments and be a wonderful example for the people around you.

Contact me today for your free 30 minutes Clarity Purpose coaching session. With that session, you will see where you contract and where you feel expansion in your life. You will leave the session renewed, re-energized and inspired to bring more expansion into your life.

Come back next week to read about Boundary Expansion.

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Apr 22

The Tale of the Name

English: Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

English: Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

People starting coaching businesses need to choose a name for their new business. This is something that causes some stress as a name needs to stand out and be a great representation and vision for the coaching practice.

When I sat down and began thinking of a name and URL for my business, the first thing that came to mind was Joyful Expansion. After some thinking, I decided that Joyous Expansion was actually a great fit.. The only negative I could think of was that the URL might be read as joyou sex pansion. Since joyou and pansion are not real words, I felt it was safe and I registered the domain and trademarked the name for business. I was lucky to have my first choice to be available.

In October, I took a class called Living Your Vision by Invite Change. In this class, I developed both a purpose and vision statement for how I want to live my life. It is a very powerful to read both of these statements that fits me perfectly. It gives me something to strive for and a way to live my life. One thing that both my vision and purpose statement have in common is the word joy. The word joy is one of the most important words in my life. Every morning I make the decision that this day is a day I am going to live with joy.

There are many emotions and each one can be learned from and has great value I have learned a lot from sadness, anger, worry, resentment, jealousy and fear. The main thing I learn from the non-joy emotions are ways to bring myself back into joy. Learning from each of those emotions is important, so I can be in a place constant joy. Being in joy does not mean being a person like Kenneth from 30 Rock. It is not being simple, but a way of being from the inside. There are many people who are all smiles and full of the Pollyanna attitude on the outside, and are sad and miserable on the inside. I am not about applying a fresh coat of joy paint on my sad house. I am about fixing the foundation to one of joy, building a house of purpose and decorating the house with conscious intentions.

It is my vision to work with you from the inside-out approach. Let’s go deep into your life and scrape away all of the muck so you can radiate joy from your heart. Work with me to live your life intentionally with purpose and joy. Together we will co-create an action plan to bring more joy into your life, find ways to move through your emotional and psychological barriers, and work on creating a supportive environment for joy. We will build the needed skills through exercises that will best serve you living your purpose with more joy.

Contact professional Life Coach Brett Dupree today for a free 30 minute Purpose Clarity coaching session

Come back next week to find out why the word expansion is so important to my life and practice!

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