May 15

Expand Your Life

Life expansion is a very important aspect of my definition of expansion. This aspect ensures that I never feel stuck. Expanding your life is the physical nature of life. It is the parts that we generally compare to other people to see how well we are doing. There are three basic categories that fall into expanding your life: career, relationships and significant others.

Career Expansion

People often get stuck in this category when I tell them about living a life of joy. Many people have the idea that the only way they will change their job and grow is if they are unsatisfied or even hate their job. Leaving your job only when you dislike it, is living a life of fear and not a life of choice. It leads to finding another job for you to find a reason to hate. No matter what job you have you will always take you with you. Finally, there is always the chance of regret when the new job does not satisfy the unfilled needs for leaving the last job. Joyous Expansion is living a life of choice and purpose. When you are living your life on purpose you will have a feeling of satisfaction when you are at your current job. When you are satisfied when your job is not fulfilling to your expansion, there is a feeling of completeness towards your job. As long as you are bringing joyous expansion into your career, then you will never feel stuck. Never stay in your job because it is comfortable. Comfort is the enemy of expansion. Comfort is not a bad thing, by it should be a byproduct of the wondrous choices you are doing in your life and not the goal.

Relationship Expansion

Having amazing and joyful people in your life is essential for living a life of success and joy. The people around you are a direct reflection on the type of person you are and the type of person you are going to be. Finding these people can be done through networking, workshops, joining study and success groups and classes. We are social creatures and having a good social network is essential.

Two hands holding

Two hands holding (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It is important to create new networks of friends and mentors and to deepen the relationships of these important people in your life. Relationships never stay the same. People are constantly evolving. Keeping relationships the same is impossible. People grow and it is respectable to grow your relationship with them. This includes your friends, kids and especially your significant other.

Significant Other Expansion

The relationship with a significant other will never stay the same no matter how much you would like. A common relationship complaint is that a spouse is no longer the same person as they were at the beginning of a relationship. That is the truth. Both partners are not the same as when they first started dating or were married. Relationships have to grow or they will grow stale and die. Nothing stays the same. Give up that idea right now. The times when you and your lover feel like you are growing apart are the times to work on getting closer. This is how you grow a relationship. Loving the other person when they are acting unlovable is essential for a happy relationship.

Joyous Life Expansion

Adding a little touch of joy to life expansion is taking joy in the fact that nothing is going to stay the same. Something you love to do today might not be something you love to do tomorrow. Your purpose today might not be your purpose in 10 years. The only thing that is certain in this world is change. Changing with joy allows you to see the humor in it.

Homework of the Week

Where in the three areas of your life expansion do you feel stuck? Write down 5 positive actions you can take to bring positive change to your situation.

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May 07

Expand your boundaries! Expand your ability to be you!

Expanding my boundaries was one of the main concepts that I worked on when I started my improvement journey. When boundaries are small there are feelings of tightness. Having small boundaries is being stuck in prison of fear. When stuck in the prison of fear, the actions that I take come from an unconscious reaction to the feelings. It is like having a computer program that launches when , fear strikes.

Port-42
Image via Wikipedia

For example when was in a situation where a woman that I found very attractive was talking to me, my internal computer would run BeautifulGirlTalkingToYou.bat.

BeautifulGirlTalkingToYou.bat runs the executables, Freeze.exe, Lookaway.exe, SaySomethingStupidBecauseSheMightLikeYou.exe, and would leave the coup de grâce YouShouldofSaidSomethingDifferentYouDummy.exe. After this program would run, you can imagine how bad I felt.

Boundary expansion is a practice of increasing the size of the prison. By increasing the size of the prison, I get to be at choice in areas where I would have been in automatic fear response. Being “at choice” means that instead of reacting automatically, I am able to be in a mode of being able to make choices.

Also, when the prison of fear gets so big that it is no longer viable, it is much easier to discard. I want to drop the prison, so I can be a person who bases his choices on logic, love, desires, and peace. When a choice is made out of fear that choice will lead to regret. Even if the choice is the best choice possible choice, fear based choices lead to second guessing and living in the past. When choices are made out of logic, love, desire or peace, I am able to live a life of action and no regret. This is because I know that I made the best possible choice and if that choice turns out to be unfavorable, then I am able to move on and make new choices.

Expanding my boundaries is not about getting rid of fear. Removing all fear is something that is very improbable and discounts the emotion of fear. The two main types of fear that I work with are survival fear (“oh my god, that bear is going to kill me”) and learned fear (“I remembered that from my past, I did not like it.”) These types of fear have positive aspects. Survival fear keeps you alive and away from pointless fights with bears. Learned fear reminds you of past actions that you do not like.

Our fear-based actions are paramount.. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is feeling the fear and acting based on logic, desires, peace or love. There is a saying, “Feel the fear and do it anyways.” Sometimes it is perfectly fine to “feel the fear and not do it anyways.” My motto is “Feel the fear, learn from the fear and then make choices based on what I actually want.” I go back and see where I gained that fear and work with to expand that boundary. Making decisions based on logic and love allows you to make all of your choices based on your best intentions.

The beauty of boundary expansion is that doing just one action that expands your boundary allows you to be at choice in other areas of your life. One of the wonderful things about being human isimproving one aspect of your being normally improves other areas.

Look at figure 1 below.
Old Boundary
Figure 1

Each X represents an action in your life that causes fear. The circle is your boundary. The actions outside the circle are ones that cause you to have an automatic unconscious reaction based on fear. Actions such as as skydiving, job interviews, talking to attractive people, talking to strangers at a party, driving on a freeway, being around spiders, public speaking, or any other action that causes an automatic fear response. The actions inside of the circle are ones that you are able to make conscious choices on what you want to do. Figure 2 shows what happens when you expand your boundary to where the selected action is now one where you are in choice.

New Boundary
Figure 2

The new boundary encompasses some actions that were once outside your boundary. For example, joining a group to practice public speaking may allow you to be able to ask your boss for a raise. Sometimes actions that do not seem to have a direct link are actually related. . Working on expanding your boundary and doing those things that scare you will make you be at choice in all areas of your life.

Adding Joy

Adding joy to boundary expansion is having the knowledge that all of the scary actions you are taking are ones that will improve your ability to share your gifts with the world. Having joy with boundary expansion will help you take the sting out of the fearful actions because you are doing it for a purpose. Joyful boundary expansion allows you to celebrate the action no matter its outcome Get shot down by a member of the opposite sex? Who cares? You just made the world a better place by expanding your boundary. Celebrate! You are making strides to increase your boundary and improve your life.

Homework

The homework this week is to find an action in your life that you do not do because you fear it. Practice the action a few times and notice how each time it is less and less scary. Notice other areas in your life that have been improved by this change.

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Apr 30

Putting the Expansion in Joyous Expansion

Last week, I wrote why the word joy fits my business plan. Striving for joy is wonderful. There needs to be more than just joy in my life. With just joy how will I live a purpose-filled life? Striving only for joy would leave me living on a warm beach, and only having enough to just survive. Lying on the beach sipping Bahama Mamas for the rest of my life might sound like a good idea in my imagination. In reality, I have a need for a sense of fulfillment. A desire for expansion keeps living a life of joy grounded, realistic and purposeful.

Happy kid

Happy kid (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The desire for expansion keeps my life moving forward ensuring that my life never stagnates into mediocrity. In my research, I have come to the conclusion that I am in one of two states. I am in either a state of contraction or a state of expansion. I am in a state of dying or a state of growth.

When I talk about my desire to live a life full of joy, people have said, “If I am happy all of the time, I will not get anything accomplished.” My desire to live a life of expansion and to constantly grow will insure that I will not become stagnate. It is possible to make great accomplishments in this world while living a life of joy.

There are five types of expansion that are very important in my life.

  1. Boundary Expansion

  2. Expansion of the mind

  3. Expansion of life

  4. Spiritual Expansion

  5. Feeling Expanded

Over the next few weeks, I will explain each type of expansion in detail and show ways that you can use each type to bring more joy into your life.

It is my vision to facilitate a co-creating environment where we will add more expansion to your life. With more expansion in your life, you will constantly be in a state of growth. With joy, you will be proud of your accomplishments and be a wonderful example for the people around you.

Contact me today for your free 30 minutes Clarity Purpose coaching session. With that session, you will see where you contract and where you feel expansion in your life. You will leave the session renewed, re-energized and inspired to bring more expansion into your life.

Come back next week to read about Boundary Expansion.

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