Key #5 of a Joyful Life: Move from Joy to Joy

The fifth key to living a joyful life is a strategy that allows you to build on all of the other keys.

The fifth key to living a joyful life is moving from joy to joy.

One of the myths that people tend to believe is that the only way they can improve their life is if they are feeling upset with themselves. People use a strategy where they notice they do not enjoy their situation and they do the actions needed to change their lives. The third thing they do is repeat this cycle over and over again. This cycle shows up in relationships, jobs, living situations, and other aspects of people’s lives.

The reason many people continue this cycle is out of spite or anger. When a person does something out of anger, they tend to take all of the problems with them into their next situation.

Imagine a person who is sick of living in Seattle and wants to move to Atlanta. They are entirely sick of Seattle and blame Seattle and its residents for their sad and depressed life. When they are packing their stuff, they take their bitterness, sadness, and thoughts of revenge, their anger andgrudges, and other negative feelings of Seattle with them. After a few months of enjoying their new digs, they unpack their negative feelings. Now the people of Atlanta are the jerks and they will have to move again.

If you are moving from joy to joy, if you do decide to leave Seattle, you will let your baggage go.

Shift your focus, shift your life

To move from joy to joy you must first shift your focus. In the middle of the United States there are huge stretches of road where there is little on the side of the road except telephone poles spaced about every half mile. Statistics show that there are a large number accidents into these telephone poles. The problem is people have a problem when they are driving and looking at the telephone pole and think, “I do not want to crash into the telephone pole.” As they are focusing on the telephone pole they are driving towards the telephone pole and they hit it.

This example appears in other areas of people’s lives. When you focus on how much you hate your job, your coworkers piss you off, your boss is a jerk, you are underpaid and under-appreciated, you put your focus on those negative aspects when you are looking for your new job. Even though you are telling yourself that you want something different, you are focused on what you do not want. You will then find a new job with similar situations and wonder how you did this.

Relationships are an amazing example of this phenomenon as well. Is there someone in your life who keeps dating the same wrong person in a different form? Have you done this?

The way to shift this and escape the cycle is to find the positive aspects of your current situation while focusing on what you want. Do this instead of focusing on what you do not want.

When you are finding the best in your situation, you are shifting your focus into the positive aspects of your life. When you move onto the new situation you leave your baggage behind. When you feel that first sting and realize that you want to leave, that is the time to sit down and write 20 things you like about your situation. If you are living the other keys, you can still be ecstatic about your current situation and realize that it is time to move on. You will be moving towards pleasure instead of moving away from pain. In other words, you would be moving from joy to joy.

When you focus on what you want you will gravitate towards it.. You will look for that great relationship instead of another version of what you just left. You will have your eyes on the road instead of on the telephone pole.

Learn from all situations

An important way to shift your focus is to change the way you look at situations that you find poor. People tend to look at bad situations as ones that stop them from doing things that they want to do in their lives. Some situations take a little more than shifting focus and learning from the situation. You know what they are. People have the ability to generalize situations and blow them out of proportion.

For example, dating is situation where people tend to over generalize and focus on what they do not like in their life. Going on date after date, feeling disappointed when each one doesn’t work out and thinking of dating as a waste of time will not get you your dream relationship. In fact, I have heard many times how when a person gives up on dating and just stops thinking about dating and relationships they end up finding one. This does not surprise me.When the person stops focusing on what they do not want and how they will never find someone they end up finding someone they desire.

Two sayings sum up my point from this section:

1.“Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.” When you look at aspects of your life that you do not want as learning experiences you no longer beat yourself up. Learning from the situation allows you to increase your knowledge and your chances for success.

2.“Learning what you do not want is just as important as learning what you do want.” When you learn what you do not want, it allows you to focus on what you do want. In fact, I have learned a lot from situations that I do not want. For example, I went on a date with a woman who didn’t like any type of fantasy. She couldn’t watch CSI because it was too unrealistic. I would have never thought to put this on my list of things I want in a woman before I had this date. I am grateful to her for showing me something I do not want and I am focusing on finding a woman who enjoys the fantasy genre.

My Services:

When you live focused on what you want, you are focused on the solutions not the problems. When you focus on problems you will only find more problems. When you focus on a solution, you will find solutions. When you work with me, we will focus on your solutions and together we will create the life that you want.

Homework of the Week

Think of a problem that you have in your life. Write down what you have learned from this problem. Write down what desires have been spawned because of this problem and include aspects of the situation that you enjoy. Write down 10 different solutions to this problem, no matter how silly each solution is.

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Key #4 of a Joyful Life: Clarify and Live Your Purpose

The first three keys of living a joyful life, “Finding Your Placebo,” “Be Positively Selfish” and “Receive Abundance” may at first seem to be living a life where a person is just taking. The keys to living a joyful life are meant to be lived together and build on each other. The first three keys are very important to the fourth key and without the fourth key the first three would not have such a positive impact on our lives.

The fourth key to living a joyful life is to clarify and live your purpose.

Your purpose is a reason for being. When you are living your purpose you are living in a way that is inspired by the best parts of you. What you are doing is bringing great joy in your life. It is taking the gifts that you have and expressing them in the world.

Finding your purpose

Having a purpose fills people with a sense of meaning in their lives. Living a life without purpose feels empty.

It does not have to be challenging though. If a person feels they do not know their purpose, making it their purpose at this moment to find their purpose is more than enough. In fact, making the intention to find their purpose is enough to set everything that is needed for finding it in motion.

This is a face shot of David Deida

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There are many books for finding one’s purpose or passion. The book that I read was The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. Deida has a simple exercise that has you spend all of your free time doing absolutely nothing. Unless it is something that you need to do to survive you sit and do nothing. When there is something that you must do and makes it so you cannot sit anymore, you have found your purpose.

Making a Purpose Statement

Finding my purpose and putting it into a purpose statement was one of the best experiences of my life. Looking at a few words and feeling them click was very rewarding. My purpose is to be joy and to love deeply. When I say the words, “my purpose is to be joy and love deeply,” I am filled with excitement. As I work every day, I work to live every moment following my purpose statement.

The purpose statement is a representation of what I feel with my inner being. It is also something that changes. The truth of who I am is something that is beyond words, however, I am a person of words and words are how I talk to myself. So I use words to best communicate with myself to create the feeling of purpose and joy.

To find your own purpose statement, look at the words that best represent you. What do you love to do? How do you feel when you are doing what you love? When do you feel the most alive? What actions are you doing when you feel this way?

Invite Change has a powerful coarse called Living Your Vision. In this course people are given exercises that help them develop a vision and purpose statement. Seeing people create a purpose statement is an amazing event to witness. They talk about how special it is to have a sentence that they can say to themselves and it feels like their authentic self. They are able to know themselves more and their direction more. With the vision and purpose statement they are able to craft the rest of their lives with integrity.

Actions are the expression of purpose

In discussions I have had with many people, many have mistaken their job for their purpose. This is far from the case. If the job was their purpose and they were fired, then they would be purposeless. A person’s actual purpose is something that can never be taken away. A person’s actions are not their actual purpose. Instead, it is how they express their purpose. Living your purpose is making your life into an art.

Winfrey on the first national broadcast of The...

Image via Wikipedia

Mistaking your vocation for your purpose is mistaking the role for who your self. Right now, I am a life coach who is writing a blog. This blog is how I am sharing my gift while living my purpose in this world. It is how I am expressing my purpose at this moment in time. Five years from now I could be expressing my purpose exactly the same or in a completely different way. If I am living my purpose being joy and loving deeply as a massage therapist, waiter or a motivational speaker appearing on Oprah, my purpose hasn’t changed. Only the expression of my purpose has changed.

Serve

The key to living your purpose is to live a life of service. Living a life of service is how you live your life with the most joy possible. When you give others your gift, you receive much in return. Living a life on your purpose is the best way for you to serve humanity.

Find your placebo, because when you are at your happiest it is easier to serve. Finding your purpose will be easier and living it will be as easy as dropping the oars and letting the current take you down the river.

Being positively selfish allows you to be at your best to best serve. As you are taking care of yourself and your well being you are able to serve from your purpose. You are not letting any situation take you off your path. You are living an inspired life for the sake of all beings.

Receive abundance because the more you receive the more you can give. The more you give, the more you receive. The more you allow into your life, the more you will be able to express your purpose and make art out of your life. Even though it might not seem spiritual or right, it also includes money. The more money you have the more you can serve the world around you.

My Services

Being a support to help you express your purpose is my purpose at this moment in time. It will bring me great joy to help you move out of your own way so you can live in the flow. Together we will increase the joy in your life so you can increase your capacity to serve and make a living out of living your purpose. Together we will squash your limiting beliefs and bring to light any invisible roadblocks that are getting in the way of you living as the best you, you can be.

Joyous Expansion

Homework of the Week

Do something nice for someone just for the fun of it.

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Key #2 of a Joyful Life: Be Positively Selfish

Being selfish is one of my favorite keys to tell people. This key is very important to living a life full of joy. It is also something that our society tends to give bad rap.

The Joyous Expansion Key #2 of living a joyful life is “be positively selfish.”

Being selfish is generally frowned upon in our society. I have had many conversations with people who tell me, “I can’t do that. It is selfish.” Feeling selfish makes people feel bad about themselves, when they should feel good. Being selfish is taking care of you first.

You have to take care of yourself first because you will be able to give more to others. If you are sick, sad, or generally feeling bad, you cannot serve others in the best way possible. Sacrificing your own joy for someone else will not help anyone. This is how you live exactly opposite of the martyr mentality.

Won’t people be mad at me?

If you teach people that you are willing to sacrifice your well being for them, there is a good chance that people will be upset at you for being positively selfish. As long as you are being positively selfish for the greater good, they will eventually understand. If they do not, there is a chance that they are self-centered and nothing you can do will make them happy. Even when you are sacrificing yourself for them, you can never do enough. No matter what you do, these people will not be happy with you. You might as well be happy with yourself.

Taking care of yourself first is for the greater good

Airplane air mask instructions always mention to first put the mask on yourself and then on your child. If you do not do this it will cause both you and your child problems as you might pass out while you are trying to save your child. Thus dooming you both! These instructions make sense in everyday life as much as they do on a plane. A lot of people tend to sacrifice their own needs and slowly kill themselves for other people.

I like modify the definition of selfish to “taking care of myself so I can be there fully to serve others with all of the joy in my heart” so it is more accurate. I use the term self-centered to mean, “taking care of myself and only myself for just myself.” As long as you are living a life full of service and love, being selfish is an amazingly positive action. As you recharge your batteries you can go full out in your service. If you stretch yourself thin, you will not be there for the people you care about.

A positively selfish boss is a boss who has time to listen to their employees and be fair and just. A positively selfish parent will set a good example as they will teach their children that their needs are important. The positively selfish parent will also be more patient with their children and an overall better parent. A positively selfish friend can be there for their friends. A positively selfish lover can truly satisfy their partner.

Being positively selfish will allow you to do the actions that bring you more joy. It gives you time to find your own placebo. From there you can be an amazing example of how to live and change the world. Mahatma Ghandi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Real change comes from the inside and that means taking care of you. The more you become a happy and whole person the better you will be at bringing your gifts into the world The better example you will be for the world’s children. The better leader you will be for those that follow you. You will affect change one person at a time in an amazing and positive way. It all starts with you taking care of you.

This also means to love yourself. Be positively selfish when it comes to self love. The more you love yourself the more you are able to love other people and love them unconditionally. That literally means to love them with no conditions.

No better way to love yourself than to take care of yourself.

My services

Hiring a life coach is an example of being positively selfish. When we speak together, we will be talking about you and how you can become more successful and full of joy.. That time will be all about you. All the words that come out of my mouth will be ones that I believe will help you in a positive way. It will be like a spa for your successful muscles. Together we will find ways for you to be positively selfish, while balancing all of your other needs. We will get you to a point where you are happy and can serve the people in your life more fully.

Homework of the week

This week, do something only for you. I suggest getting a massage.

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