Martyrs are only good for stories

English: "Martyrdom of St. Paul", fr...

English: “Martyrdom of St. Paul”, from an 1887 copy of Foxe’s Book of Martyrs illustrated by Kronheim. Français : Le martyr de Saint Paul. Illustration par du Livre des martyrs (Book of Martyrs) de Foxe. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The truth is that it is good to be selfish. When you are selfish you are putting your needs first. I understand how that can look like a bad thing. Look at it closely; if you are out of shape can you help someone push themselves in a good run? If you are sick can you take care of another person? Taking care of yourself is what allows you to support your loved ones.

Many people like to create a martyr mentality where they believe they can help people or be a good person by hurting themselves. Martyrs are only good when their sacrifices are written in song. Generally this is done by religion. In real life martyrs are annoying and draining to the people they are around. Have you been with a person who refused to be selfish? Have you noticed how you really want them to do something nice for themselves? Have you noticed how you aren’t taking your advice on this one?

The person who lives a life of anti-selfishness is living from a lack mentality. Somewhere in their brain they believe if they spend time for themselves then they will not have time for other people. When people are in lack mentalities they create the lack in their lives. They believe if they only sacrificed themselves more then their children would never feel bad or their significant other wouldn’t have left. I feel Abraham said it best when she said, “You cannot get yourself sick enough to make someone else better, you cannot lower yourself enough to make someone feel more empowered, you cannot make yourself poor enough to make someone else rich.” Only in extreme situations, such as jumping in front of a bullet, does martyrdom help a situation.

Another problem with being a martyr is that you will never feel appreciated enough for your sacrifices. Since none of the martyr’s sacrifices are good enough for themselves, they will reflect their beliefs of lack of appreciation of themselves on the people in their lives. Since a martyr can never sacrifice themselves enough to fix everything, they believe that everyone thinks the same about them. Even if those that the martyr has helped say they appreciate what the martyr does for them, the martyr will never believe them. Also, martyrs will grow to resent the person because they have to sacrifice so much of their lives for them. The martyr puts their life on hold. The martyr also may turn to emotional manipulation to get the love they seek if their sacrifices do not work.

Martyrdom does not allow people to live up to their full potential and is not a way to show love. It is more of a type of manipulation. True love is the love people attribute to dogs. They give love while wanting nothing in return. Mother Teresa had an excellent quote, “The greatest paradox is that if I love until it hurts, there is no hurt.” Sacrificing for love is not a way to get love. In fact it is not even a form of loving. The martyr has fooled themselves in believing they are being loving.

Sacrificing in itself is not a bad thing. Sacrificing your life to get love is though. Many great people sacrifice their lives because it is their purpose. Mothers and fathers who sacrifice their lives for their children are an example. What makes these people not martyrs is they do not want in return and will accept the gifts that people give them. Plus they also make sure to take care of themselves.

The classic example is the oxygen mask on the plane. First the parent puts the oxygen mask on and then they put it on their child. You are no good if while putting the oxygen mask on your child, you pass out yourself. Being the martyr is metaphorically passing out while putting the mask on the child and then yelling at the child for not thanking them for the great sacrifice they have made. Many martyr’s actually try to jump in front of bullet.

The question to ask yourself is where in your life you are sacrificing for someone else to get something in return that you will never get. Are you sleeping with a man so he will fall in love with you? Are you helping a woman move so she will sleep with you? Are you refusing praise for some help you did? Where are you trying to get sick so someone else can feel well?

Awareness is an amazing first step for change.

Homework of the week:

Even if you are not a martyr in any aspect of your life or any relationships, do something nice for yourself, just for yourself. Additional homework, if anyone gives you a compliment, thank them.

Enhanced by Zemanta

In memory of Steve “Air” McNair

Steve McNair

Image via Wikipedia

The NFL draft is one of the most exciting aspects of football to me. I remember watching the 1994 draft and seeing college highlights of a quarterback who I hoped would be able to duplicate his success in the NFL. With the third pick in the draft the Oilers took the exciting quarterback Steve “Air” McNair. He had the name “Air” because he shattered all I-AA passing records at the little known university named Alcorn State. Watching his career blossom the way it did, taught me much on how to live life. First, his career taught me to honor my path. Sometimes I want success now. I see the work that I have done and wonder, “Why isn’t it happening yet?” I think of McNair as a person who sat on the bench for a few years before becoming one of the best players in the NFL. Another lesson is to accept success the way that it is. McNair didn’t light up the scoreboards like he did in college andhis career was most likely not how he envisioned it would be Instead of lighting up the scoreboards with his arms, he used his legs, leadership, play making ability and sheer determination to become one of the best players in the league. McNair’s career taught me how to get through tough times. There are few players in the NFL that have played through more injuries than McNair. He even had a Jackie Chan inspired poster showing off his many injuries. His ability on the football field and his toughness is how I will remember him.

This tragedy o f his death reminds me of the mistakes that people can make. One of my strongest beliefs is that happy and joyful people who are living good lives do not purposely harm other people. On July 4 a tortured individual named Sahel Kazemi allegedly put two bullets in his chest and two in his head. I call her tortured because only a person who is tortured would kill commit this act. It is times like these where we need to look to people and not discount the torture that we put ourselves through. Torture like the destructive thoughts that will lead people like Kazemi into actions that cause people so much pain. To give compassion to people who torture themselves into actions such as murder and suicide is not an action of weakness and is not condoning their actions. An action that harms another person is not something to be condoned. No one who is in their right mind will do such a thing. No one deserves to be in a space where an action such as this seems like a good idea.

To learn from this and find ways to prevent it in the future will bring more closure to this tragedy and help prevent other actions that harm others. To judge and to hate will just help create more of these actions. We can give answers such as, “this is the devil’s work” or if you are new age, “the ego or pain body.” Once we as a society judge people as evil or insane, we close the door on solutions and open the door for pain and suffering. One gift we have as humans is a deep compassion for all beings. It is times like this where we must go deep inside and find the part of ourselves that may snap one day. We need to give that part of us compassion and to make sure that we as individuals create a support structure where we have someone to lean on so we do not make such damaging actions. We need to learn to love ourselves and give love to others and to have compassion to the poor souls.

The Joker, after emerging from the vat of toxi...

Image via Wikipedia

In the graphic novel, Batman: The Killing Joke, the Joker has a theory that all it takes is one horrible day to change someone from living a life of love and service into living a life of insanity. Joker is the perfect villain for Batman because they are polar opposites. Joker and Batman were both regular people who had just one bad day that changed their lives forever. One went on to become a crime fighter and another one went on to become the Clown Prince of Crime.

During bad times we always have a choice. We can make a choice that will bring pain to many people including ourselves and our loved ones or we can take that pain and learn from it and use it to bring more love into this world. The choice is ours. Kazemi made the wrong choices with her pain and she paid with her life and we all paid with the death of a man who brought so much positivity into this world. My heart goes out to her and her loved ones. My heart goes out to the friends and family of Steve McNair. My love shines through all our hearts.

I dedicate a prayer to all those who have been touched by this tragic event. May the holes left in all of your hearts be filled with love and good acts.

I dedicate a prayer to all people who are about to make the worst mistakes of their lives. May love bring them pause and may they listen to their second thoughts.

Enhanced by Zemanta

At first there was a sound.

Artist's conception of the Milky Way galaxy.

Image via Wikipedia

Have you ever sat down and thought about how improbable it is for you to be here? I’m not just writing about the experiences you have had or your mother and father getting together and 40 million sperm fighting it out for your existence. I am writing about the billions of actions and occurrences that had to happen for you to be at this moment in front of a computer reading this blog.

Get ready for a rampage of appreciation, abbreviated Discovery Channel science style!

At first there was nothing except for a mound of matter in the middle of nothing. It was there floating at an amazing pressure and heat. No one has a clue why this ball of matter that is no bigger than a pea suddenly exploded spewing matter into the universe. This matter collected together in huge mass of gas. One of the new mysterious forces that exists is called gravity. All the simple gases that formed in the explosion are coming together. Huge balls of gases start a reaction of fission and fusion and become stars. These stars fuse hydrogen into helium. Then they start fusing helium into denser elements and then those denser elements fuse into even denser elements. After thousands and thousands of years creating all of the elements we find in our periodic table, these stars explode sending pieces all throughout the universe. This happens over and over again for about 10 billion years before something miraculous happens at the edge of the Milky Way Galaxy.

On the edge of this spiral galaxy that we have named the Milky Way, the remnants of these explosions start collecting to form what we have named the solar system. A huge amount of gas creates the guardian of Earth, Jupiter. I call Jupiter the guardian of earth because its massive gravity has, in theory, shielded Earth from many impacts. Jupiter may be a reason why Earth has so much water as the gravity of Jupiter may have caused some water worlds to collide with rocky worlds. It could be why we have the moon. At the perfect distance for our way of life, a planet forms. After billions of years with nothing on it, something amazing happens. Life forms and soon creates simple cells.

The cells figured out that if they worked together can live better and longer lives. These cells also discover that if they specialize they will be able to create complex creatures. Life on this planet has such a desire to live that it has survived at least five mass extinctions, from the entire earth being covered in ice to super volcanoes and meteor strikes.

As these cells create more and more complexity, they start creating wonderful things like vision, hearing, feeling, teeth, digestion, and the most amazing thing of all, thought. There are really too many amazing things that have been created to mention. I haven’t even touched on consciousness. I could fill this entire blog for the rest of my life writing about the wondrous things that have been created in this universe..

Think about it. All these events had to happen for you to sit here. Then there is the outstanding evolution of man. We were able to discover speech, language, writing, agriculture, philosophy, computers and all of the wonderful things that needed to happen for me to be able to sit at my computer, type away on Open Office, and write a blog for you to be able to read from the comfort of your own home.

Think about it. It took 14.5 billion years for the universe to create the right conditions for you to be here right now. The universe is so big that it is very hard to imagine the enormity of it. In this gigantic universe there is only one you. There is only one you who has the gifts that you have. There is only one you who lives this life and it took stars to explode for you to be here. You are stardust. There are atoms that are in your body that were in every person in history that you admire. That means there is a piece of Plato, Newton, Einstein, Lincoln, Billy Mays and Michael Jackson floating inside you as you breathe in and out.

What excuses do you have to not give your gift into this world? It took 14.5 billion years to create the correct conditions for you to live right now. It took a nearly infinite amount of actions and events for you to be sitting here right now. If any of those actions were different, if any of the laws of the universe change or if the earth was just a little farther away from the sun, you wouldn’t be here right now.

Ask yourself, are you taking advantage of this amazing gift? Are you living your life in a way that if it took 14. 5 billion years to make you, you would be proud of what you are doing right now? Do you feel the call to live your life to the fullest? Think of how much the universe had to do for you to be here right now. How many stars had to do explode for you to live?

Kermit the Frog even sung about giving your gift in the Rainbow Connection. Have you been half asleep, and have you heard voices? You have heard them call your name. The Universe sings the sweet sounds that called the young sailors. They are all one and the same. You have heard it too many times to ignore it. There is something that you are supposed to be.

This is your time. Right now! Thank the universe for creating the wonderful lives we live by giving your gift to the world. Live your purpose. Live with joy. Live with powerful intentions. This is your time to shine! Namaste, the Universe loves you.

Enhanced by Zemanta
« 1 ... 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 »